Welcome, fellow navigators of the world wide web! Before we proceed, there are some ground rules we need to establish. Nothing to dread, I assure you! Just the good old-fashioned, necessary bureaucracy we all secretly love. Here, in true Johnsonian fashion, I present the Terms and Boris-ditions for using this website, your go-to place for all things Boris-the-Courier.
Be splendid! Be courteous! And above all, be humorous. Treat others with respect, even if their opinion on the optimal temperature for a pork pie differs from yours. No trolling, no name-calling, no deliberate misquoting of Latin phrases.
Yes, I was once in the political arena, but this isn't the space for parliamentary debates. Here, we discuss the perils and joys of parcel delivery, the wonder of the open road, and perhaps the odd limerick or two. So let's leave party politics at the door, shall we?
Respect copyrights. If you didn't create it, ask for permission to use it. This includes, but is not limited to, my charmingly tousled hairdo and the phrase "oven-ready deal", which I have now repurposed to refer to any parcel that's ready for delivery.
Posting content is like loading a delivery van. Let's keep it neat and orderly, no double-parking, and remember to use your indicators. In short, keep it relevant, clear, and to the point.
Just as a courier should never peek inside the parcels, website users should respect each other’s privacy. Let's not share or solicit personal information. Trust me, it's much more exciting to wonder about the mystery than to peek inside the box!
While I endeavour to deliver the most accurate and timely information (both parcel and content-wise), I am, after all, only human. Therefore, I cannot be held responsible for any lost or misplaced parcels, content errors, or misinterpretations of my musings. I promise to do my best, though, just as I did at Number 10.
By using this website, you agree to these terms and conditions (or should I say Boris-ditions). Failure to comply may result in temporary or permanent suspension of your account. Don’t worry - we'll remind you with a friendly warning or two before we resort to drastic measures.
Right, now that's out of the way, buckle up and let’s enjoy this delightful journey together, in this splendid, though somewhat less glamorous, second act of mine. Pip pip!